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What Law School is Like (In Five Minutes)

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okay so this article is all about what lawschool is like if you’re watching it Ican assume that you are a member of aclass of people interested in what adeep structural list will call thesubject-auxiliary inversion of thatstatement which is to say and answeringthe question what is law school likeyou’ll find out law students are deeplyconcerned with assumptions in structurebut for the most part not with chomskyanlinguistics although I’m certainly anexception to that anyway if you’re inthe class of people interested in whatlaw school is like then you’re more thanlikely to be in one of the followingsubclasses – we’ll start with thosethinking about law school you either ahave a degree and did something else fora while be it a year or ten and havedecided that whatever the other thing isit’s not as compelling as what you’veheard about law school and/or you’re amasochist hoping to join the ranks ofstressed-out overachievers competing fortheir careers for the sheer joy of it orbe you don’t have a degree yet and aretrying to decide what to do after youearn the one you’re working on becausethe economy sucks in your BA andlinguistics won’t be competitive atStarbucks where the expectation is thatyour thesis and or dissertation waswritten in a humanity rather than asocial science you may actually be alittle further along already and one ofthose people anxiously anticipating lawschool regardless of whether or notyou’ve earned your undergraduate degreeyou want to know what people in thelater phase of your game areexperiencing this curiosity can beextrapolated to apply either nervousnessabout joining the ranks of stressed-outover achievers competing for the careersmentioned before or that you’re gearingup

to be a gunner but we’ll talk aboutthem later the third category is ofcourse people in law school already andsince it doesn’t poll that you want toknow what law school is like per sesince presumably you attend schoolthough we can argue about whether thatis sufficient or merely necessary toachieve the status of law student whichby the way something else law studentsare deeply concerned with definitionsnecessity and sufficiency not attendancethe only readily apparent conclusion isthat you are either a slacking offstudying and either searching forperipherally related videos that haveguilt or looking for some sympathy or Pthat would be a good question

for officehours actually if you’re not one ofthese people that maybe you know someonein law school and are trying tounderstand why it is that person istransformed into a grouchy know-it-allovers exhibiting some otheruncharacteristic behavior or be youdon’t know anyone in law school and youwere some Rando on the internet it’sokay we’re all that guy sometimes maybeyou’re thinking that I’ve so far toldyou nothing about people in law schoolonly about people interested in lawschool and if you are you’re alsothinking hey this is not what itpurported to be well unlike in lawschool professors often hide theproverbial ball and make studentsdiscern the answers for themselves I’lltell you we used to be one of you andnow we’re members of law school classsummer which brings us to our secondtopic class may not be where we spendmost of our time but it certainly is thefocus because it’s where we interactwith subtopic one professors in generalthese walking encyclopedia scum deitiesare either cold callers espousing thetraditional and terrifying Socraticmethod wherein students are randomlychosen to answer often unanswerablequestions about legal minutiae regardingwhich they’ve read somewhere in theballpark of twenty pages by a person whoprobably were their dissertation on thetopic and is teaching it because theytoo were turned down myour box well okay I can see the map inStarbucks corporate I got distractedlet’s go to sub1 beat the friendly typeswe try to encourage discussion in someother way bringing us to subtopic 2a thegunner’s mentioned earlier you’llprobably want all their high schooldebate tournaments or a bitter about theones they lost in are itching to provethat there’s Martin on top of not onlytheir game but the professor’s as wellthese people will talk and argue and askquestions in almost every class periodand since we travel in sections thesound of their voices becomesexcruciating we familiar especially ifyou have a number of subtopic one beprofessors who will quickly grow tiredof encouraging subtopic to Ada shut upand coaxing to be too talk these strongand silent types by the way are completewildcards because you have no ideawhether they’re absorbing at all andwill ace your curbed exam or areapplying to jobs online because theyhate law school maybe Starbucks ishiringbut that’s only 15 to 20 hours of whatis likely is 60 to 70 hour work weekmost of life in law school is somethinglike this video which is to say spentoutlining alone at your desk andmuttering at your computer drinking yourthird cup of coffee from Starbucks yourworkstation will probably look somethinglike this only with a note-takingprogram open like thisoh and probably a textbook actuallylet’s talk about textbooks this is goingto hit you a little like UCC – 207 it’sone of the sub points it looks like itwill be just an hour – of lecture but itturns out to be crippling last semestermy first semester I had contracts whichhad a supplement torts and property inaddition to legal writing and researchwhich had a textbook provided by myuniversity in addition to the infamousand omnipresent blue book you see herecan supplement a given student myconsultor he represented by flashcardsin my copy of Black’s Law Dictionarythis coming semester I will take CivilProcedure criminal law constitutional onfederal income tax and again with theflash cards each of these books weighsabout five pounds and must be carriedwith you to class every day along withyour laptop and anything else you mightneed like say a sealable mug fromStarbucks that lets you save somenegligible amount of money every timeyou remember to bring it which will beevery day incidentally this is also howyou will acquire lightning-fast speechwhich would be unintelligible had younot the knowledge the voicingintervocalic countenance it’s fasterthan not doing it but it’s stillcomprehensible for example and in thatyou will also come to realize that majorin linguistics wasn’t completely uselessafter all because the system if itstates is really just syntax but Idigress your back will be a minimum of25 pounds much of which consists of size10 font on what amounts to Bible paperand you will read all of it then youwill rewrite it in chunks of smallerwords that’s what’s called a brief asper subtopic – or be asked toextrapolate the analysis since now youknow you

so good at that – new facts andthat’s what’s called memoranda by thetime you realize you’re panicking youwill also realize that this is how youspend most of your life finally thereare final exams where you will revieweverything you learned in the currentsemester in a week and then in aboutfour hours you will have to apply asmuch of it as is relevant to a set ofwildly improbable facts as youthe memoranda writing in the time andmoney spent at Starbucks and the speedat which you’ve become able to producewords will come in handy since thedifference between an A and a C haslittle to do with how well you know thelaw and everything to do with yourability to spot problems and since yourlife I must a little more than a seriesof problems that look more or less likea phonology set wherein the only patternis that your grade becomes a C between avoiceless labiodental fricative followedby a closed mid central vowel and avoiceless velar stop you should begolden except that by definition you’refucked

so when they call time you’llclose your laptop and run to the nearestreservation to study a dying NativeAmerican language since a is someuniversity may sponsor you where thegovernment will forgive some of your lawschool debt for all the pro bono workand B it’ll probably make more sensethan legalese and C at long lastStarbucks will hire you to help withbrand localization then suddenly awinter break will be over and you’llhave to go back to school for anothersemester one down five to goEnglish (auto-generated)

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